Wife cheated on me with a younger man

Dear Pastor,

My wife and I were married for seven years, but we were friends before that.

We had a good relationship for approximate five years. After that, my wife became very disrespectful to me, and she would go out whenever she felt like it and come home late at nights. When I asked her where she was, she would tell me she is a grown woman and I did not have any right to question her. I bought her a car, but I took away the keys when she refused to tell me why she was out late.

She started to wear the shortest skirts you could imagine, so I suspected that she had found another lover. I employed someone to watch her and the first evening this man and his crew started surveillance, they brought me disturbing news. When they first told me that my wife was involved with her manager's brother, and where he took her, I was surprised. They also showed me pictures of where they went. A week later, they came back to see me, and this time they were able to show me the name of the motel that the same guy, who is younger than her, took her. She was at the motel room for two hours. Right away I started to become ill.

This was the woman I treated more than a queen. I finally decided to confront her and I showed her copies of the pictures. She could not deny that she was seeing another man, so she told me she wanted more out of our marriage. She said I was not satisfying her, so she had to seek satisfaction from another man. I told her she should pack and go; she said she had no other place to go, but she would stop seeing the guy.

I am 50 and my wife is 40. When my wife left for work, I took out all of our wedding pictures, intending to burn them, but I wanted to tell her my plan. We have two children from the relationship. They both live in America. I told them by phone that their mother is cheating on me and I have proof. Therefore, I was going to divorce her. My daughter started to cry and she said, "No daddy, no, forgive mommy, something must be wrong." My son told me that he believed that I was making a mistake. I told them that I would consider what they said.

When my wife came from work, I told her that I had called the children and told them that she was cheating. She told me that she was thinking and I should give her one month to move out. I told her that I would help her to pack. I went to the minister who officiated at our wedding and told him that I can no longer live with my wife. He asked her to come and see him; she said that she did not want him to counsel her.

I had to divorce this woman. Now my house is empty. I have a helper, who now wants to get serious with me. I have given in to her a few times. I know what I am doing is wrong. I don't intend to marry her. But I have given in to temptation. Perhaps I will get married again, but I am not in a hurry to find another woman. My helper has three children, but she said their fathers have not given her much. So the couple of times that I had sex with her, I gave her extra money. I hope you wouldn't condemn me.

H.S.

Dear H.S.,

Your wife admitted that she was having an affair and you had all the pictures as proof. She promised that she would end the affair and that she would not go out with any other man. Why did you not forgive her?

I am not saying that would have been an easy thing to do, but I would like to know why didn't you consider the years that both of you have been together, and that you have children. I know that would have been difficult for you, but she told you that the relationship with this man was over. She made a mistake when she refused to see the minister who officiated at your wedding. I believe that she was embarrassed.

Now you are involved with your helper and are living alone. Your wife is gone. Do you believe that she would be interested in reconciliation? Why don't you give her a call and see how she is doing. Although both of you are divorced, she might be glad to hear from you. I wish you well.

Pastor