Deadbeat son taking over my house

Dear Pastor,

I am 67 and for years, I have been reading your portion in THE STAR. I was married, but my husband passed on.

Before we got married, he had a son whose mother was not treating him well, so he took the child and I did my best to raise him the proper way. My husband and I had three children, so this boy made it four. We gave all of them a proper education.

This young man never gave us any trouble when he was growing up. My two girls became professionals. My son likes the auto mechanic world. This first boy did not like the books although he was very good at math. All the children left the house and went on their own, except this oldest child. When his father became ill and couldn't work, he drove the car and took me to do everything I wanted. But I could not trust him with our money. This boy wanted his father to sign over the car to him, but he refused. This young man got into the wrong crowd. He started to smoke ganja and we could smell it on him. He collected rent from one of our homes but didn't give me the money. He complained that the people did not pay him.

After his father died, he continued to smoke weed and sometimes when he thought that I was sleeping, he took women into the house. I told him that I know he is a big man, but if he wants to have his women, he should not sleep with them in my house because neighbours know that I am a Christian and they would wonder what is going on. He started to curse me and told me that he has claims on the house. But what he did not know is that his father made a will and he declared what should happen in the house; I have the final say. This young man does not assist in paying any bills. The other children give me some money occasionally, but not him. I asked my pastor to speak to him and he used expletives in describing the pastor, so I stopped allowing him to drive the car; that made matters worse.

I asked him to leave many times, but he has refused. This boy told me that I want to get him out of the house because I want to bring another man to take over. I told him that he was rude, and if I want another man, he could not stop me and I would not be doing anything wrong because his father is dead.

Pastor, I am a miserable woman in my own house. How can I get this young man to leave this place?

N.R.

Dear N.R.,

This letter reminds me of a case I dealt with years ago, and whenever I drive through a certain area, I remember the house in which the people lived.

A very hard-working woman came to see me. She lived in a middle-class area. The house was very valuable, but her husband died and all her children, except one, did very well. But one was living at the house. He did not work and that wicked boy demanded money from his mother every week. He got into the ganja smoking, and although the mother spoke to him on numerous occasions, he did not stop. When she told him that she didn't have any money to give him, he abused her and told her that he would beat her up.

When she asked me for my suggestions, I told her to throw him out. She was startled by my suggestion. She said "Put him out?" and I said "Yes mom." She repeated "Put out my son?" I said "Yes mom." I told her that if she didn't put him out, he would put her out. She wasn't happy with what I told her in the session. Her son continued to harass her for money and she had to eventually chase him from the house. She could not stay there any longer because she could not deal with this out of order son. She had to find another place to live.

This young man who said that he has a right to be living at your house has no such right. You need to stop making him feel that he controls you. You need to find a lawyer and lay out your case. This young man needs to leave immediately. Put him out. I am telling you exactly what I told the other woman. Take the matter to court. Throw him out. Let your other children know what you are doing, I am sure they will stand with you.

You are in your senior years and you have a right to enjoy your property. Let this young man find another place where he can live and do whatever he wants. Do not give him your car keys. He is too rude.

Pastor